The Thrilling Life of Syl

I'mma be like the popular kiddies and keep a journal here of whatever happens so I can stop bugging everyone else with it. As much.

If I'm pissed off, expect a lot of swearing and abuse of capital letters. BECAUSE I DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES AND SHIZNIT.

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So for today.

I don't even know.

I've been feeling kinda depressed lately, the past couple months maybe, and I don't know why, which is starting to bug the hell out of me. One minute I'm happy, then the next I can be totally out of it, sad and miserable because somebody said one little thing I might not agree with--even though it shouldn't bother me at all. I'll lose interest in doing things even though I'm right in the middle of them, and while that might be normal for the slight ADD, my interest in doing anything else goes right with it. Sometimes it even happens when I'm with my best friend or something, and then I feel worse because we should be having a good time and I'm just . . . bleh.

It kinda seems like it could be actual clinical depression, particularly since my mom has it and there could be a connection, but I don't want to jump immediately to something like that. I don't want to talk to my mom about it because she hardly ever listens to anything I have to say when she's at home, and I don't want to talk to my best friend because of her mentality--she's both schizophrenic and on depression medication, and has a tendency to think that her problems are the only ones that matter sometimes. She cares a lot about me, I know that, but I'm afraid to say anything because she also has a tendency to want to be "unique," and might think I'm saying I'm depressed just to get attention or something just because she has it too. (Which has supposedly happened before with someone claiming they had schizophrenia right after she told them.) Not to mention I have some insane pride and wouldn't want to tell that to anyone I know, anyway.

God damn it.

GOD DAMN IT.

AND NOW I HAVE AN F IN ENGLISH.

That's my best stupid subjeeect.

Stupid Mr. Hale and his 5-point quizzes that currently make up most of the trimester's grade . . . Wouldn't be so bad if they had been on a book I could actually understand. Pride and Prejudice was horrible.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't panic . . . I understand Hamlet and all our assignments coming up will be on that, at least, so I should be a little better . . . But still, that's the first class-wise F I've ever had, even for a few days.

Bah. And now my best friend is pissing me off. I haven't gotten to really hang out with her in a few weeks, except for seeing her at school (which hardly counts), partially because of her stupid mom not letting her do anything. She finally comes over to my house for a couple hours, even though she wasn't even supposed to be here, to get some pictures. She wound up staying longer, yet ignoring me half the time so she could use the Internet and talk to her boyfriend on MSN because she has no Internet at home.

I don't mind her using my computer for a little while because I know there's things she can't do without Internet, but it would sure be nice if she realized there were other things in the world, too.